You don’t know what it’s like…

It was a hot summer evening, and it was breezy, which almost felt like a gust of warm air against your face. Didn’t really stop us from grabbing a beer on a Friday. It had been 3 weeks since the time we had a thing and never really bothered to take that up with each other cz i guess we were too afraid to take up something that would cost our friendship.

So, there we were. Crafted beer. Wood-crafted chairs. Crafted minds to not bring this up. Crafted hearts to enjoy the moment. But then, alcohol happened. We were three glasses down, and we were talking about life and i suddenly had a lot of spirit inside me to blurt out “what was it like after that night?”. What is the most obvious reply that he’d give — “which night?”. I said, “you know which one i’m talking about.”

He went a little silent, and then replied , “look. Why do you even want to talk about it? It was a mistake. I was so angry at myself the next day because we did it under the influence of alcohol. It was not us. It was the alcohol. How could we even get influenced by such a petty thing and do this!“

I said — ”why didn’t you say this before? That you didn’t feel anything and it was just casual?”

“You don’t know what it’s like. It would be very rude. Very rude!“

“You tell me soo many things. You could have just told this to me the next day. I wouldn’t have to ask you now.”

“It would have been so rude. You don’t know what it’s like. There has to be a click, right? I felt so hollow from within.”

I went blank for a few seconds. I had like a thousand “you don’t know what it’s like"-s within me that i didn’t know which one to surface. I realised it was of no use talking about how special it was to me, because after so long i had actually felt some connection and it was very naive and honest and friendly, but then everything just got denied in a fraction of a second. The only impulse i had at that moment was since he felt nothing, i felt nothing and mentally i just went onto “you don’t what it’s like to just unfeel something, just because you didn’t feel it.”

These six words — You don’t know what it’s like , can create all the difference in the world to instill emotions in people about how they really feel. These six words can make or break a bond. These six words can make you feel horrible about who you are. These six words can make you feel like you’re the most special person in the world. Also, these six words can make you feel sorry for someone or they can also make you feel proud about anyone.

“You don’t know what it’s like to be lonely.”

“You don’t know what it’s like to have divorced parents.”

“You don’t know what it’s like to lose hair off cancer.”

“You don’t know what it’s like to seek therapy for my depression.”

“You don’t know what it’s like to be a friend of mine.”

“You don’t know what it’s like to have feelings.”

“You don’t know what it’s like to be around you. It’s like flowers raining on me on a sunny day.”

“You don’t know what it’s like when you do such things and i have to endure all of it.”

Aren’t these something we’ve all heard? Some small incidents that we all have faced at some point of time, with our parents, siblings, lovers, spouses, friends, colleagues and sometimes enemies(just in case).

It’s very easy to spurt out this phrase, as if nobody in the world understands you and for once you want to be heard and expect the person in front of you to understand. Isn’t it? You do try to put the word out, don’t you? So that the other person is a little nice to you or a little polite to you or a little gentle with you or probably stays away from you.

But, do we really understand? Do we really take that effort to put ourselves in their shoes and check if really they are feeling so, then we should do something about it? Sometimes, i feel that we as human beings are so swept off by our own selves that we seldom take the efforts of understanding the person. We only listen to reply.

Go and ask yourself today that what measures did you take since the last time you heard the phrase, ‘you don’t know what it’s like’ from anyone? Did you feel sorry for that person and make things eventually smooth for him/her? Did you feel bad that you never understood the other person and actually brought some good changes within you? Did you feel happy and went around telling the world what it felt like revealing your hearty emotions? Did you feel like changing your past since it yielded so much damage to your friendship?

Well. We can think of so many possibilities. In the story above, that evening couldn’t have been any different from other folks in the world who’ve faced such conversations in life. But what was more important was understanding what i didn’t know what it would be like, if he would have really told the truth to me. What i would have really felt? What i would really go through? And, he had just pictured all of it in his mind and felt i shouldn’t go through it, and shared just this small emotion through “ you don’t know what it’s like…".

It is important to not take such emotions negatively. It is important to feel connected and be connected even though it’s all breaking and falling and scattering. Because somewhere you’ve had your “you don’t know what it’s like"-s and you’ve shared that little emotion, which you thought only you both would understand and that has caused the beginning of what you share today.

My dear li’l fellows, but in the end, you don’t know what it’s like…

to be me, to be you, to be us.